Mid-life crisis of a software professional
I just added one more year to my age yesterday. Thanks to my wife, the day was special. But, It is scary actually, thinking about how my graduation 8 years back feels as if it happened only yesterday! Time *is* flying. Looking back, I have had my share of moments – moments I feel proud of, moments I’d cherish & moments I’d rather forget (but can’t!). My professional front has been one hell of a roller coaster ride too. My love for computers is the only thing that has survived these years. Passion for them has gone down drastically, though.
Can I code day and night for 4 days, like how I used to do during college time or even in the first 2 years of my career? A big no.
Can I still read a technical book non-stop from cover to cover? NO!
Do I still have that passion to learn everything? Probably yes. But I don’t care about that anymore.
Other commitments apart, even if I had everything else setup for doing the above things, I’d not, because of the laid-back attitude I picked up over time in this industry. After some years, I guess you become numb and dumb. Numb, because you stop enjoying/appreciating all the beautiful things in the world around you, become too insensitive to non-professional things. Dumb, because the mechanical work style you are forced in to makes your brain cells commit suicide and there is no sure-fire way to bring them back.
To visualize what I am saying, look at the graph below. I plotted my competence/commitment over time (from 2000 to 2008). Click to open the original image in a new window.
For anyone who has been in this industry, the graph should not come as a surprise. Like all the college grads, I was brimming with enthusiasm and positive energy (I’d even call it “too much optimism”!) when I came in to this industry back in 2000. Soon, I realized things didn’t work the way you thought they would, or the way they were projected to work. My motivation took a big hit. It went up again when I switched companies around Q2 2003 and Q1 2004. Do you see that dip in commitment/competency around the period Q4 2005 – Q3 2006?? I got married then 
I’d rate both my commitment and competence are at a record low now.
Trend line shows that over these 8 years my competency had stayed more or less equal, while my motivation/commitment quotient has decreased steadily! This is scary, because I don’t know whether I am doing the right things now to keep my motivation at the same level at least, if not make it go up. If you ask me, I guess retiring from computer industry when I am 35 or 40 yrs old is the most interesting option I have. I doubt its feasibility though 
Have you faced such a “mid-life”(?!) crisis in your professional life? How did you cope up with it?
about 1 year ago
Very true, Kanna. I have this feeling haunting me for quite some time.
Personally, I could think of only two contrasting solutions.
1) Enjoy the laziness, become lethargic as a state govt employee. Assume this problem does not exist and wait for a magic to happen!
2) Spin off! Become an entrepreneur until you have too much to handle.
Each has its own disadvantages and the equation gets tougher when you add variables like wife’s opinion, child, old parents, etc.
On the other hand, I think this crisis is not just limited to IT industry. But the curves may be sharper here and the above solutions more risky.
about 1 year ago
oops I put a ‘b’ tag instead of ‘br’ tag
about 1 year ago
Rajesh,
>> Each has its own disadvantages and the equation gets tougher when
>> you add variables like wife’s opinion, child, old parents, etc.
The other factors that u have mentioned are the major side-swingers, I’d say
. Also, to be honest, I am setting in to a hazy mental state where I am neither being proactive enough to do something to clear up things nor stop worrying and accept things as such. This tendency to constantly worry, while not doing anything to solve it is what is really irking me.
>> On the other hand, I think this crisis is not just limited to IT
>> industry. But the curves may be sharper here and the above
>> solutions more risky.
I agree. This trend exists in all industries, albeit more smoothed out near the edges.
about 1 year ago
Solution is in 3 steps…
1) Learn a bad habit – start driniking
2) Stop thinking that you can really achieve something in life
3) Focus on earning only the amount that you need to pass today
Someone suggested me all these, when I was having a similar discussion. You try them if you think they help you
Btw, Just curious how did you arrive at the trend line (chumma plotted points for commitment quotient and competence quotient !? – looks interesting though)
about 1 year ago
KC, trend line Excel puts. The values for competence/commitment are obtained by the average of months for a given yr, which I derived from my prj notes. Phonela sollraen eppidi panninaennu.
about 1 year ago
Hi Kannan,
We have some similarities. Most importantly, the love for COMPUTER which started in 1988 and going through these experiences. I am still in love but it doesn’t bother much now. In work life, I think even innovation is becoming very monotonous for me. That’s what I am responsible for. I keep asking the question, “Why should I do it?”. I know I can and many others can, but these small steps are not taking me anywhere. Someone can say, that’s the way, we all take those small steps and then reach somewhere. It’s more philosophical.
There are many things I can share on this subject going through similar experiences.
BTW, I reached your blog looking for a way to buy Wii Points in India.
Nice Post.
Thanks,
Anand
about 1 year ago
Anand, just saw your resp (shd tell u something abt how well I update my blog
)..
I agree on the “innovation” part. I have felt that many times when some idea pops up, only to be followed by the thought “hmm..but why shd I do this? I will prob try this sometime later” and then I just mentally tag it as “Todo:” and then later my mind automatically would delete it (not even to RECYCLE BIN…straight SHIFT + DEL)!!